I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
