I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!