I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
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I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
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Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.