who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.