I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.