Your tits are I can't wait for
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize