Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize