He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
did i walk over a car last night?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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