I cannot find my penis.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Alive.
So much puke
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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