I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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