My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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