maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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