yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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