we're blogging at a bar
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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