I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
