just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
