Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
