Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
