Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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