I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my shit smells like andre
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
