4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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