dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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