I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
