This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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