dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
