EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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