you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
