we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
