Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
