ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
