I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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