I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
