i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
