So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
