I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
