You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
