i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
