well I can't set my house on fire every night
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
