You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
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a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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