before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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