I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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