is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
