At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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