look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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