He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Do you have feelings for this penis?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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