i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
