kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
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I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
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Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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