What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize