We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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