So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
