is your mom at the bar?
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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