Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
