I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
