Yo dont text me then not text me
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
