i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
