When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
