Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
