Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
