we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
