i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
