??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
