Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
