This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
