She is in my trunk
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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