sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
the gays at disneyland are vicious
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
