Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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