so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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