Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
