Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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