I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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