he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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