she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
