he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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